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Halloween Jokes

Halloween Jokes

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Short Halloween Jokes

Q:  What is a Mummies’ favorite type of dance music?
A:  Wrap!!!!!

Q:  Why aren’t there more famous skeletons?
A:  They’re a bunch of no bodies!

Q:  What do little trees say on Halloween?
A:  Twig or treat!

Q:  Why do ghosts and demons get along so well?
A:  Because demons are a ghosts best friend forever!

Q:  What do birds give out on Halloween?
A:  Tweets!

Q:  How do you mend a broken Jack-o-lantern?
A:  With a orange pumpkin patch!

Q:  How do you know your doctor is a vampire?
A:  He draws your blood  from your neck with a straw!

Q:  What do blondes and Jack-O-Lanterns have in common?
A:  Both have blank smiling expressions and are hollow inside!

Q:  Why do witches need to wear name tags?
A:  So, they would know which witch is which!

Q:  What is the largest building in Transylvania?
A:  The Vampire State Building!

Q:  What do you do with a very green monster?
A:  Wait until it ripens!

Q:  What happened to the guy who couldn’t keep up payments to his exorcist?
A:  He was repossessed, again!

Q:  Why doesn’t anyone like Count Dracula?
A:  He’s a real pain in the neck!

Q:  Why did the witches have to cancel their baseball game?
A:  Because they ran out of bats!

Q:  What goes Ha-ha-ha-ha!, thud!!! and keeps laughing?
A:  A monster laughing it’s head off!

Q:  What do you call a man who lures women into his place and turns them into ghastly freaks?
A:  A 1980′s hairdresser!

Q:  How do vampires get around?
A:  In their bloody mobiles!

Q:  How many witches does it take to change a LED light bulb?
A:  Depends on what you want to change it into!!

Q:  When does a spooky skeleton laugh?
A:  When something tickles his funny bone!

Q:  What is Dracula’s favorite position in baseball?
A:  Batboy!

Q:  Who did the scary ghost invite to his party?
A:  Any old friend he could dig up!

Q:  What did one little girl ghost say to other little girl ghost?
A:  Do you believe we use to be people?

Q:  How do ugly witches tell time?
A:  With a witch watch!

Q:  What does a cute baby bat say before going to bed?
A:  Turn on the dark! I’m afraid of the light!

Q:  Do spooky scary monsters eat hot popcorn with their fingers?
A:  NO, they eat some poor guys fingers separately!

Q:  How do you upset a blood sucking vampire?
A:  Go to his house and install a large skylight!

Q:  What kind of monsters like hard core rap music?
A:  Mummies!

Q:  Why can’t mummies go on vacation?
A:  Because they’re afraid they’ll relax and unwind!

Q:  How do vampires invite each other out for lunch?
A:  Do you want to go for a bite?

Q:  What kind of shoes do baby ghosts wear?
A:  Boo-ties!

Q:  Who is the Dracula’s super hero girl friend?
A:  Bat Ghoul!

Q:  Why did Dracula have to go to jail?
A:  Because he robbed the blood bank dry!

Q:  What do you get when you cross a super computer with a bloody sucking vampire?
A:   A know-it-all, that’s really a pain in the neck!

Q:  Where did the busy ghost buy his stamps?
A:  At the spooky post office!

Q:  What did one old witch say to other when she asked for a ride?
A:  There’s always broom for one more!

Q:  What did the scary witch do when her broomstick broke?
A:  She had to witch-hike!

Q:  What’s the true ratio of a pumpkin’s circumference to its diameter?
A:  Pumpkin Pi!

Q:  How do you rid a horror-able ghost from your home?
A:  Ask him to split the bills!

Q:  What is Count Dracula’s blood type?
A:  The same as his lunch, bright red!

Q:  What is a vampire’s pet peeve?
A:  A Tourniquet!

Q:  What do you get if you cross sleeping beauty & Dracula?
A:  A vampire that never gets up!

Q:  What is a witch’s favorite subject in school?
A:  Spelling out spells!

Q:  What does Dracula say when introduced to someone new?
A:  Hello, pleased to be eat you!

Q:  What is the best way to talk to Count Dracula?
A:  By bat phone!

Q:  What did the skeleton say when his brother told a lie?
A:  You can’t fool me, I can see right through you!

Q:  What does a ghost swim in?
A:   DEAD sea water!

Q:  What do goblins drink when they’re hot and thirsty?
A:  Ice cold Ghoul-aid!!!

Q:  What kind of roads do young ghosts haunt?
A:  DEAD ENDS!

Q:  Why are black cats such good singers?
A:  They’re very meeewsical!

Q:  Where do hard working ghosts go on vacation?
A:  The Eerie canal!

Q:  Why did Dracula move to England?
A:  Cause he want some royal blood!

Q:  How do vampires get around on Halloween night?
A:  By blood vessels!

Q:  Why did the vampire get fired from the blood bank?
A:  He was caught drinking on the job!

Q:  What do skeletons say before eating?
A:  Bone Appetit!

Q:  Why didn’t the Jack-O-Lantern go to the dance?
A:  He wasn’t lit and didn’t have a match!

Q:  Why couldn’t the mummy answer the phone?
A:  Because she was all wrapped up!

Q:  Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?
A:  Because he didn’t have any guts!

Q:  How can you tell if a vampire has a horrible cold?
A:  By his deep loud coffin!

Q:  What kind of fruit do vampires like?
A:  Juicy neckterines!

Q:  What did one thirst vampire say to the other as they were passing the morgue?
A:  Let’s stop in for a cool one!

Q:  Did you hear about the Grim Reaper’s new job?
A:  An HIV counsellor!

Q:  How does the zombie know what time it is?
A:  He just asks!

Q:  What’s a vampire’s favorite Halloween candy?
A:  A juice red sucker!

Q:  What did the witch’s kid want for Christmas?
A:  A haunted dollhouse!

Q:  What is an evil monster’s favorite food?
A:  Ghoul scout cookies!

Q:  What do little ghost kids eat for dinner?
A:  Spookgetti!

Q:  What type of art do skeletons like?
A:  Skullptures!

Q:  What did the skeleton say while riding his giant vintage motorcycle?
A:  I’m bone to be wild!

Q:  Mummy, why do all the other kids call me a hairy werewolf?
A:  Now stop talking about that and brush your face!

Q:  Where does a young model ghost go to get her hair done?
A:  To the BOOty parlor!

Q:  What does a ghost put on her breakfast cereal in the morning?
A:  A few boonanas and booberries!

Q:  What’s a vampire’s favorite feast of the year?
A:  Fangsgiving Day dinner!

Q:  When do witches like to cook their victims?
A:  On Fry-Day!

Q:  What do you call two witches living together?
A:  Broom-mates!

Q:  What does a witch ask for when she is staying in a hotel?
A:  Fast broom service!

Q:  Why didn’t the skeleton dance at the Halloween party?
A:  It had no body to dance with!

Q:  What’s a spooky ghosts favorite ride at the carnival?
A:  The roller ghoster!

Q:  What’s a healthy ghosts favorite fruit?
A:  Booberries!

Q:  Where do ghosts go to buy their food?
A:  At the ghost-ery store!

Q:  What’s the part of a restaurant where vampires don’t suck blood?
A:  The non-suckers section!

Q:  What did the Mommy ghost say to the baby ghost?
A:  Don’t spook until your spooken too!

Q:  What kind of clothes do the coolest zombies wear?
A:  Decay NY!

Q:  Why are vampires like to vote Democrats?
A:  They wanted to Gore in 2000!

Q:  Why do manly ghosts have so much trouble dating?
A:  Women can see right through them!

Q:  What’s the difference between a mummy and an Indian?
A:  An Indian lives in a teepee, and a mummy is the living dead!

Q:  Why shouldn’t you try to hug a spooky ghost?
A:  Because all you get is a couple of handfuls of sheet!

Q:  What did the full moon vampire say to the other full moon vampire?
A:  See you next month!

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