Classic Halloween Jokes
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Just some of the Great Halloween Jokes on Halloweenjokes.com
Q: What is a Mummies’ favorite type of dance music?
Q: Why aren’t there more famous skeletons?
A: They’re a bunch of no bodies!
Q: What do little trees say on Halloween?
A: Twig or treat!
Q: Why do ghosts and demons get along so well?
A: Because demons are a ghosts best friend forever!
Q: What do birds give out on Halloween?
Q: How do you mend a broken Jack-o-lantern?
A: With a orange pumpkin patch!
Q: How do you know your doctor is a vampire?
A: He draws your blood from your neck with a straw!
Q: What do blondes and Jack-O-Lanterns have in common?
A: Both have blank smiling expressions and are hollow inside!
Q: Why do witches need to wear name tags?
A: So, they would know which witch is which!
Q: What is the largest building in Transylvania?
A: The Vampire State Building!
Q: What do you do with a very green monster?
A: Wait until it ripens!
Q: What happened to the guy who couldn’t keep up payments to his exorcist?
A: He was repossessed, again!
Q: Why doesn’t anyone like Count Dracula?
A: He’s a real pain in the neck!
Q: Why did the witches have to cancel their baseball game?
A: Because they ran out of bats!
Q: What goes Ha-ha-ha-ha!, thud!!! and keeps laughing?
A: A monster laughing it’s head off!
Q: What do you call a man who lures women into his place and turns them into ghastly freaks?
A: A 1980’s hairdresser!
Q: How do vampires get around?
A: In their bloody mobiles!
Q: How many witches does it take to change a LED light bulb?
A: Depends on what you want to change it into!!
Q: When does a spooky skeleton laugh?
A: When something tickles his funny bone!
Q: What is Dracula’s favorite position in baseball?
Q: Who did the scary ghost invite to his party?
A: Any old friend he could dig up!
Q: What did one little girl ghost say to other little girl ghost?
A: Do you believe we use to be people?
Q: How do ugly witches tell time?
A: With a witch watch!
Q: What does a cute baby bat say before going to bed?
A: Turn on the dark! I’m afraid of the light!
Q: Do spooky scary monsters eat hot popcorn with their fingers?
A: NO, they eat some poor guys fingers separately!
Q: How do you upset a blood sucking vampire?
A: Go to his house and install a large skylight!
Q: What kind of monsters like hard core rap music?
Q: Why can’t mummies go on vacation?
A: Because they’re afraid they’ll relax and unwind!
Q: How do vampires invite each other out for lunch?
A: Do you want to go for a bite?
Q: What kind of shoes do baby ghosts wear?
Q: Who is the Dracula’s super hero girl friend?
A: Bat Ghoul!
Q: Why did Dracula have to go to jail?
A: Because he robbed the blood bank dry!
Q: What do you get when you cross a super computer with a bloody sucking vampire?
A: A know-it-all, that’s really a pain in the neck!
Q: Where did the busy ghost buy his stamps?
A: At the spooky post office!
Q: What did one old witch say to other when she asked for a ride?
A: There’s always broom for one more!
Q: What did the scary witch do when her broomstick broke?
A: She had to witch-hike!
Q: What’s the true ratio of a pumpkin’s circumference to its diameter?
A: Pumpkin Pi!
Q: How do you rid a horror-able ghost from your home?
A: Ask him to split the bills!
Q: What is Count Dracula’s blood type?
A: The same as his lunch, bright red!
Q: What is a vampire’s pet peeve?
A: A Tourniquet!
Q: What do you get if you cross sleeping beauty & Dracula?
A: A vampire that never gets up!
Q: What is a witch’s favorite subject in school?
A: Spelling out spells!
Q: What does Dracula say when introduced to someone new?
A: Hello, pleased to be eat you!
Q: What is the best way to talk to Count Dracula?
A: By bat phone!
Q: What did the skeleton say when his brother told a lie?
A: You can’t fool me, I can see right through you!
Q: What does a ghost swim in?
A: DEAD sea water!
Q: What do goblins drink when they’re hot and thirsty?
A: Ice cold Ghoul-aid!!!
Q: What kind of roads do young ghosts haunt?
A: DEAD ENDS!
Q: Why are black cats such good singers?
A: They’re very meeewsical!
Q: Where do hard working ghosts go on vacation?
A: The Eerie canal!
Q: Why did Dracula move to England?
A: Cause he want some royal blood!
Q: How do vampires get around on Halloween night?
A: By blood vessels!
Q: Why did the vampire get fired from the blood bank?
A: He was caught drinking on the job!
Q: What do skeletons say before eating?
A: Bone Appetit!
Q: Why didn’t the Jack-O-Lantern go to the dance?
A: He wasn’t lit and didn’t have a match!
Q: Why couldn’t the mummy answer the phone?
A: Because she was all wrapped up!
Q: Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?
A: Because he didn’t have any guts!
Q: How can you tell if a vampire has a horrible cold?
A: By his deep loud coffin!
Q: What kind of fruit do vampires like?
A: Juicy neckterines!
Q: What did one thirst vampire say to the other as they were passing the morgue?
A: Let’s stop in for a cool one!
Q: Did you hear about the Grim Reaper’s new job?
A: An HIV counsellor!
Q: How does the zombie know what time it is?
A: He just asks!
Q: What’s a vampire’s favorite Halloween candy?
A: A juice red sucker!
Q: What did the witch’s kid want for Christmas?
A: A haunted dollhouse!
Q: What is an evil monster’s favorite food?
A: Ghoul scout cookies!
Q: What do little ghost kids eat for dinner?
Q: What type of art do skeletons like?
Q: What did the skeleton say while riding his giant vintage motorcycle?
A: I’m bone to be wild!
Q: Mummy, why do all the other kids call me a hairy werewolf?
A: Now stop talking about that and brush your face!
Q: Where does a young model ghost go to get her hair done?
A: To the BOOty parlor!
Q: What does a ghost put on her breakfast cereal in the morning?
A: A few boonanas and booberries!
Q: What’s a vampire’s favorite feast of the year?
A: Fangsgiving Day dinner!
Q: When do witches like to cook their victims?
A: On Fry-Day!
Q: What do you call two witches living together?
Q: What does a witch ask for when she is staying in a hotel?
A: Fast broom service!
Q: Why didn’t the skeleton dance at the Halloween party?
A: It had no body to dance with!
Q: What’s a spooky ghosts favorite ride at the carnival?
A: The roller ghoster!
Q: What’s a healthy ghosts favorite fruit?
Q: Where do ghosts go to buy their food?
A: At the ghost-ery store!
Q: What’s the part of a restaurant where vampires don’t suck blood?
A: The non-suckers section!
Q: What did the Mommy ghost say to the baby ghost?
A: Don’t spook until your spooken too!
Q: What kind of clothes do the coolest zombies wear?
A: Decay NY!
Q: Why are vampires like to vote Democrats?
A: They wanted to Gore in 2000!
Q: Why do manly ghosts have so much trouble dating?
A: Women can see right through them!
Q: What’s the difference between a mummy and an Indian?
A: An Indian lives in a teepee, and a mummy is the living dead!
Q: Why shouldn’t you try to hug a spooky ghost?
A: Because all you get is a couple of handfuls of sheet!
Q: What did the full moon vampire say to the other full moon vampire?
A: See you next month!
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