Vampire Jokes

Vampire Jokes

Looking for some lip biting funny vampire jokes to bring some laughs to your Halloween this year. Then check out these suckers!  They are sure to put a pain in the neck from all your laughter.

 

Vampire Jokes

Q: Where does vampire get all his jokes?
A: From a crypt writer!

Q: What’s a vampire’s favorite soup?
A: Scream of Tomato!

Q: What is a vampires favorite holiday?
A: Fangsgiving!

Q: What is a vampire’s favourite fruit?
A: A blood orange!!

Q: Why did the vampire drive on the motorway?
A: Someone told him it was a main artery!

Q: What do you call the referee in a Transylvanian soccer game?
A: A Vumpire!!

Q: What’s a vampire’s favourite music band?
A: The Vaults!

Q: What did the vampire have for dessert last night?
A: Whine & Ice scream!!

Q: Why does vampire consider himself a good artist?
A: Because he likes to draw blood!

Q: What sort of club would a vampire join?
A: A blood group!!!

Halloween Jokes 1

 

Q: How did the vampire fall in love with his wife?
A: It was love at first bite!!

Q: What is a vampire’s favorite sport?
A: Casketball…

Q: Where does a vampire usually eat his lunch?
A: At the casketeria!

Q: Why did the vampire become an actor?
A: He wanted a part he could sink his teeth into!

Q: What is a vampie’s favourite breakfast?
A: Ready-Neck!!

Q: Who is a vampire’s favorite type of person to bite?
A: A red neck!!

Q: Why doesn’t vampire mind the doctor looking at his throat.
A: Because of his big coffin.

Q: Why do vampires scare people?
A: They are bored to death!

Q: Why did Dracula go to the dentist?
A: Fang Decay!!!

Q: Why did the vampire need mouthwash?
A: Because he had bat breath!

Q: How does a female vampire flirt?
A: She bats her eyes!

Q: Why is a vampire a good person to take out for meals?
A: Because he eats necks to nothing!

Vampire Jokes 1Q: Where do vampires keep their money?
A: The blood bank!!!

Q: How can you tell a vampire likes baseball?
A: Every night he turns into a bat.

Q: What do you call a foolish old vampire?
A: Silly old sucker!!

Q: What is a vampire’s favorite dessert?
A: You scream and I scream!!!

Q: Why has the most dangerous job in Transylvania?
A. Being a vampire’s dentist!!!

Q: What do you call a short vampire?
A: A pain in the knee!

Q: Why did the Vampire read the Wall Street Journal?
A: He heard it had the best circulation.

Q: What’s a Vampire’s least favorite song?
A: Another one bites the dust!

Q: What do you call a stupid vampire?
A: A silly clot!

Q: Why do vampires invest in silver?
A: To take it off the market!

Q: Why did the vampire go to the dentist?
A: He had a fang-ache!!!

Q: Why was the girl afraid of the vampire?
A: It was all bite and no bark!

Vampire JokesMore Vampire Jokes

Q: What does a vampire never order at a restaurant?
A: A stake sandwich!

Q: How can you tell when a vampire has been in a bakery?
A: All the jelly has been sucked out of the jelly doughnuts!

Q: What’s a Spanish vampire’s favourite dance?
A: The fangdango!

Q: Why doesn’t anybody like the local drunk vampire?
A: He has a bat temper!

Q: Why does the vampire wear patent leather shoes?
A: Sandals don’t look good with his tuxedo!

Q: What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A: A necktarine !!

Q: What’s it like to be kissed by a vampire?
A: It’s a pain in the neck!

Q: What is a vampires favorite fast food restaurant?
A: A Murder King!!!

Q: What goes quack-quack and has two webbed feet, feathers, long fangs?
A: The flying Count Duckula!!

Q: What type of dog does every vampire have?
A: Bloodhound!

Q: How did the ghost say goodbye to the vampire?
A: So long sucker!

Q: Who does the movie star vampire get letters from?
A: His fang club!

Q: Which building do vampires visit when they are in New York?
A: The Vampire State Building!

Q: What is a vampires least favorite food?
A: A big long steak!!

Q: What’s a vampire’s favourite game?
A: Batminton!!!

Q: What songs do vampires hate?
A: “You Are My Sunshine”

Q: What happens when two vampires meet?
A: It was love at first bite!

Q: What’s a vampire’s favorite fast food?
A: A person with very high blood pressure…

Q: Why are vampires like false teeth?
A: They all come out at night!

Q: What do you get when you cross a vampire with the internet?
A: A blood-thirsty hacker baby!!!

Q: What do you call a duck with fangs?
A: Quackula!

Q: Why was the vampire so unlucky in love?
A: He always loved in vein!

Q: What is a vampire’s favourite drink?
A: A Bloody Mary!

Q: Would you rather a vampire attacked you, or a were wolf?
A: I’d rather have the vampire attacking the werewolf!

Q: Why did the vampire become a vegetarian?
A: He couldn’t bear eating any more big long stakes!

Q: What did the very polite vampire say?
A: Fang you very much!

Q: What invitation did the female vampire give her new boyfriend?
A: Let’s go out for a bite.

Q: What do you get if you cross a sheep with a vampire?
A: Shampirewe!

Q: Why are vampires easily fooled?
A: Because they are born suckers from the beginning!

Q: What’s a vampire’s favourite animal?
A: A giraffe!

Q: What’s red, packed with strawberries, and bites people in the neck?
A: A Jampire!

Q: Mummy, mummy…what’s a vampire?
A: Be quiet and drink your blood before it clots.

Q: Why did the vampire telephone the undertaker?
A: To see if there was any new take-away meals available!!

Q: How would a vampire manage with only one fang?
A: He’d just have to grin and bare it!!

Q: How do you friend a vampire on facebook?
A: Send your name, address, body sizes and type of blood!!!

Q: Why did the vampire fall in love with his neighbour?
A: Because she was the ghoul necks door!!

Q: What does the mailcarrier take to vampires?
A: Fang mail!

Q: What did the vampire say to it’s new apprentice?
A: We could do with some new blood around here!

Q: What does a vampire take for a bad cold?
A: Coffin drops!

Q: Can a toothless vampire still bite you?
A: No, but it can still give you a nasty suck!

Q: What’s a vampire’s favorite cartoon character?
A: Batman!

Q: Why do vampires eat in homeless shelters?
A: They can eat for necks to nothing in them!

Q: Heard about the vampire who was locked up in an asylum?
A: He went bats!

Q: Why are vampires sometimes go crazy?
A: Because they’re often go bats!

Q: Which flavor of ice cream is Dracula’s favorite?
A: Vein-illa! Of course!!

Q: What do you get if you cross a vampire with a snail?
A: The world’s slowest vampire!

Q: Why are vampires always exhausted chasing after girls called “April”?
A: Because they need fly straight for the 31 days of March.

Q: Why did the vampire sit on a pumpkin?
A: It wanted to play squash!

Q: What’s a vampire’s favorite love pop song?
A: Why Do I Ignore the Girl Necks Door.

Q: What happened when the vampire went to the blood bank?
A: He asked to make a withdrawal!

Q: What happened when the vampire went withdrawal from the blood bank?
A: There was a Bank run!

Q: What happen when the vampire started HFT account on Wall Street?
A: He crashed the markets to get himself a blood bath!

Q: How do vampire footballers get the dirt off?
A: They all get in the bat tub.

Q: What do vampire baseball players have at halftime?
A: Blood oranges.

Q: Why did the vampire keep acting batty?
A: It was in his blood.

Q: Why are vampire families so close?
A: Because blood is thicker than water.

Q: What do you call a vampire with no eyes?
A: No eyedea.

Q: What did the vampire say after reading all these jokes?
A: They suck!

What are Vampire?

A vampire is a creature from folklore that subsists by feeding on the vital essence of the living. In European folklore, vampires are undead creatures that often visited loved ones and caused mischief or deaths in the neighbourhoods they inhabited while they were alive. Find out more about Vampires here.

Vampire Jokes

Happy Halloween