Witch Jokes

Witch Jokes

A cauldron full of witch jokes and witch puns. Halloween jokes has a massive collection of witch jokes on our website here are just some of the witch jokes we have!

Q: Who turns the lights off at Halloween?
A: The light’s witch!

Q: Why is the air so clean and healthy on Halloween?
A: Because there are so many witches sweeping the sky!

Q: What do baby witches play with?
A: Deady bears!

Q: Who went into a witche’s den and came out alive?
A: The witch!

Q: What do you call a pretty and friendly witch?
A: A failure!

Q: What does a white witch turn into when the lights go out?
A: The black witch!

Q: How do you make a witch float?
A: You take two scoops of ice cream, a glass of coke and one witch…!

Q: What do you call a witch who drives really badly?
A: A road hag!

Q: What goes cackle, cackle, bonk, bonk?
A: A witch laughing her head off!

Witch JokesQ: What goes cackle, cackle, boom?
A: A witch in a minefield!

Q: Why was the witch late for the party?
A: She’d lost her witch-watch!

Q: What’s the best way of talking to a warty witch?
A: By telephone!

Q: What do you call a witches motor bike?
A: A baaaarrrroooooooommmm stick!

Q: What is black, old & ugly and has four wheels and is totally rad?
A: A witch on a skateboard!

Q: What do you call a witch with one leg?
A: Eileen!

Q: What is evil and ugly and bounces?
A: A witch on a trampoline!

Q: How can you tell when a witch is really ugly?
A: When a zombie bites her it closes it’s eyes!

Q: What is evil and ugly on the inside and green on the outside?
A: A witch dressed up as a cucumber for Halloween!

Q: What is really evil and really ugly on the inside and green on the outside?
A: A witch that has turned into a zombie!

Q: What happened to the witch with an upside down nose?
A: Every time she sneezed her hat blew off!

Witch Jokes

Q: What should you expect if you drop in on a witches home unexpectedly?
A: Pot luck dinner!

Q: Why did the witch give up fortune telling?
A: She saw there was no future in it!

Q: Why did the witch wear a green felt pointy hat?
A: So she could walk across snooker tables without being seen!

Q: What do witches eat for dinner?
A: A real toad from the hole!

Q: Did you about the witch that had to cook dinner for a whole year?
A: She went potty in the head!

Q: How can you tell if a witch has a glass eye?
A: When it comes out in conversation!

Q: What happened to the naught little witch at school?
A: She was ex-spelled!

Q: Which school subject is a witch good at?
A: Spelling!

Q: Why did the witch go back to school?
A: She was looking for the spelling bee!

witch jokesQ: Why are witches carbon neutral?
A: They are always clean up after themselves.

Q: Is it true that a witch won’t hurt you if you run away from her?
A: It all depends on how fast you run!

Q: What do you call a witch you likes the beach but is scared of the water?
A: A chicken sandwitch!

Q: Whats the difference between a broomstick and a pumpkin ?
A: Ever tried broomstick pie!

Q: Why won’t a witch wear a flat caps?
A: Because there is no point in it!

Q: What do little witches do after school?
A: Their gnomework!

Q: What do witches say when they overtake each other?
A: Broom, broom, broom!

Q: Have you heard about the good weather witch?
A: She’s forecasting a few sunny spells!

Q: Have you hear about the witch that was a little under the weather?
A: She’s been casting a few rainy spells all day!

Q: What is a witch with poison ivy called?
A: An itchy witchy!

Q: Why is a witches face like an old hundred dollar bill?
A: It’s all green and wrinkly!

Q: What do you call a witch that flies in a Concorde?
A: Lucky the broomless witch!

Witch Jokes 3

Q: Why is “S” the witches favorite letter?
A: Because it turns the word cream into scream!

Q: What does a witch enjoy cooking most?
A: Gnomelettes!

Q: What does the witch like to eat for breakfast?
A: Green eggs and ham!

Q: What did the doctor say to the witch in hospital?
A: With any luck you’ll soon be well enough to get up for a spell!

Q: What is old, ugly and green but is now turning blue?
A: Witch holding it’s breath!

Q: Why do witch’s use toad’s legs?
A: Because your legs did not fit into the pot!

Q: What do witches sing at Christmas?
A: “Deck the halls with poison ivy! hee hee hee”

Q: How do you make a witch itch?
A: Take away the her “w”!

Q: How do you make a witch itch ?
A: Mess up her spelling!

Q: Why was there a witch called Mitch?
A: She wasn’t very good at spelling!

Q: What do you call two witches who share a broom sticks?
A: Broom mates!

Q: Why do witches wear pointy black hats?
A: To keep their heads warm!

Q: Why did the stupid witch keep her clothes in the fridge?
A: She liked to have something cool to slip into in the evenings!

Q: Why do witches have stiff joints?
A: They get broomatism!

Witch Jokes

More Witch Jokes

Q: What spell do witches use to scare babies?
A: Boo!

Q: What happens to witches when the fly in the rain?
A: They get wet!

Q: What is old and ugly and goes beep, beep?
A: A witch in a traffic jam!

Q: Why did the witch join the soccer club?
A: Because she heard they were looking for a new sweeper!

Q: What is evil, ugly and goes at 125 mph?
A: A witch just hit by a high speed train!

Q: Why did the witch put her broom in the wash?
A: She wanted a very clean sweep!

Q: How can you tell an Italian witch from an English one?
A: By her suntan!

Q: What’s the different between a witch and a banker?
A: The witch is only good at spelling!

Q: What is the best way of stopping infection from witch bites ?
A: Don’t bite any witches!

Q: What does a witch do if her broom is stolen?
A: She calls her friends in the flying squad!

Q: What do you get if you cross an owl with a witch?
A: A bird that’s ugly but doesn’t gives a hoot!

Q: What do you get if you cross a witch and an iceberg?
A: A cold spell!

Q: What do you get if you cross a sorceress with a billionaire?
A: A very witch person!

Witch Jokes - Halloween Jokes 21

Q: How do you know when you are in bed with a witch?
A: She has a big “W” embroidered on her pajamas!

Q: What sound does a witch make when she cries?
A: “Brew-hoo, Brew-hoo”!

Q: What’s yellow and very poisonous?
A: Witch infested custard!

Q: What do you do if a witch in a pointy hat sits in front of you at the cinema?
A: You miss most of the film!

Q: Who went into a witch’s den and came out alive?
A: The witch!

Q: What is a witches favorite magazine?
A: The witch report!

Q: What has six legs and flies?
A: A witch giving her black cat a ride!

Q: What happens if you see twin witches?
A: You won’t be able to see which witch is witch!

Q: How is the witches soccer team doing ?
A: They’re having a spell in the first division!

Q: What usually runs in witches’ families?
A: Noses!

Q: How do witches on broomsticks drink their tea?
A: Out of flying saucers!

Q: Why didn’t the witch sing at the concert?
A: Because she had a frog in her throat!

Q: Why was the witch good at beat boxing?
A: There was a beating heart in her mouth!

Q: What’s evil and ugly and goes up and down all day?
A: A witch stuck in a lift!

Q: What is evil, ugly and black and goes round and round?
A: Witch that flew into a twister!

Witch Jokes For Halloween 22

 

Q: What is the most evil, ugly and green creature that goes round and round?
A: A witch in a revolving door!

Q: Where did the witch get her outdoor furniture?
A: From the ideal gnome exhibition!

Q: What name did the witch give to her cooking pot?
A: “White” because the kettle was called “black”!

Q: What is a witches favorite book?
A: How to make love spells!

Q: Where do witches go looking for a date?
A: Whichwitchdoyoulove.com

Q: Why do witches never get hit when walking on a pedestrian crossing?
A: They are crossed eyed!

Q: What’s a witches favorite film?
A: My Fear Lady!

Q: What’s a witches least favorite film ?
A: The horror film “The Wizard of Oz”!

Q: Where is the witches temple?
A: On each side of her head!

Q: Why did the witches go on strike?
A: They wanted sweeping reforms!

Q: What’s the best advice you can give to a witch on a broomstick?
A: Don’t fly off the handle!

Q: Why don’t witches fly off the handle?
A: Because it’s a hard landing!

Q: What happened when the witch went for a job as a TV presenter?
A: The producer said that she had the perfect face for radio!

Q: What is the difference between a witch and the letters M A K E S?
A: One make spells and the other spell makes!

Q: What is a witches favorite hot drink?
A: Tea-hee-hee!

Witch Jokes Halloween 22

 

Q: What do witches use pencil sharpeners for?
A: To keep their hats pointed!

Q: What do witches use pencil sharpeners for?
A: To keep their broomstick cutting edge!

Q: Why do witches only ride their brooms after dark?
A: That’s the time to go to sweep!

Q: Why does the witch fly with a bag of baseballs with her?
A: To throw at all the flying bats!

Q: Why did the witch buy two tickets to the zoo ?
A: One to get in and one to get out!

Q: What do you call a very nervous witch ?
A: A twitch!

Q: Why did the witch keep turning into Mickey Mouse?
A: She kept having Disney spells!

Q: What makes more noise than an angry witch?
A; Two angry witches!

Q: Why do witches scratch themselves all the time?
A: Because they’re the only ones who know where a witch itches!

Q: How did the witch almost lose her baby?
A: She didn’t take it far enough into the woods!

Q: Why should men beware of beautiful witches?
A: They’ll sweep them off their feet!

Q: Who’s the fastest witch?
A: The ones that ride on a vroom stick!

Q: What do witches ring for in a hotel?
A: B-room service!

Q: What do you call a witch made of cotton and has lots of holes in her?
A: A string hag!

Q: Why do witches ride on broomsticks?
A: Because it’s quicker than walking!

Witch Jokes Halloween 23

Q: What does a witch get if she is a poor traveler?
A: The back end of the broom sick!

Q: Why did the baby witch smile when she came out in big red blotches?
A: Because it was a happy rash!

Q: Why did the witch go over the mountain ?
A: Because there was no tunnels!

Q: What has handles and flies ?
A: A witch in her own pot!

Q: What happened when the baby witch was born?
A: It was so ugly its parents ran away from home!

Q: What do you call a witch that stays out all night?
A: A fresh air freak!

Q: What happened when the old witch went to see a funny film?
A: The manager told her to cut the cackle!

Q: How do warty witches keep their hair out of place?
A: With scare spray!

Q: What is evil, ugly and keep the neighbors awake at night?
A: A teenage witch with a drum kit!

Q: What do you get if you cross a flea and a witch?
A: Very worried dogs!

Q: What is the difference between a musician and a dead witch?
A: One composes and the other decomposes!

Q: Why are witches fingernails never longer than 11 inches?
A: Because if they were 12 inches they’d be a foot!

Q: What did the teenage witch say to her mother?
A: Can I have the keys to the broom tonight!

Q: What kind of jewelry do warty witches wear on their wrists?
A: Charm bracelets!

Witch Jokes Halloween 100

 

Q: Why do witches fly on broomsticks?
A: Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy!

Q: How did the witch feel after she was run over by a car?
A: Tyred!

Q: What should you do if you find a witch in your bed?
A: Run!

Q: What did the witch say to the ugly toad?
A: “I’d put a curse on you but it looks like someone already beat me to it”!

Q: When can you tell when witches are carrying a time bomb?
A: You can hear their brooms tick!

Q: Where do witches keep their purses?
A: In hag bags!

Q: Why did the witch go to the psychiatrist?
A: Because she thought everybody loved her!

Q: Why did the witch consult an astrologer?
A: She wanted to know her horror-scope!

Q: What do you call a witch that climbs up walls?
A: Ivy!

Q: What is the difference between a deer running away and a small witch?
A: One’s a hunted stag and the other is a stunted hag!

Q: Why do witches get good bargains?
A: Because they like to haggle!

Q: When should you feed witches milk to a baby?
A: When it’s a baby witch!

Q: Why did the young witch have such difficulty writing letters?
A: She had never learnt to spell properly!

Q: When a witch falls into a pond what is the first thing that she does?
A: Get wet!

Q: What’s the best way of seeing a witch?
A: On the television!

Q: How do witches lose weight?
A: They join weight witches!

Q: Why did the witch wear yellow stockings?
A: Because her grey ones were at the cleaners!

Witch Jokes - Halloween 101

 

Q: Why is a witch like a candle?
A: They are both wicked to the core!

Q: What do you call an old hag who lives by the sea?
A: A sandwitch!

Q: What kind of tests do they give in witch school?
A: Hex-aminations!

Q: What do you call a witch by the side of the road with her thumb out?
A: A witchhiker!

Q: What’s a witches favorite flower?
A: A triffid!

Q: What did one witch say to another when they left the cinema?
A: Do you want to walk home or shall we take the broom!

Q: What goes cackle, cackle, squelch, squelch?
A: A witch in soggy shoes!

Q: What do witches cats strive for?
A: Purrfection!

Q: What do the witch say to skeleton who won’t do any work?
A: Lazy bones!

Q: What did the little witch have in his rock collection?
A: Tombstones!

Q: Q: Which story do all little witches love to hear at bedtime?
A: “Ghoul Deluxe and the Three Scares.”

Q: When is it unlucky to see a witch’s cat?
A: When your a mouse!

Q: Why do witches wear name printed on their shirts?
A: So you can tell witch is which!

Q: What do witches like to eat on Sunday?
A: Whipped scream and slime sundaes.

Q: What do you call it when a witches cat falls off a broomstick?
A: A catastrophe!

Q: What do you call a witch’s garage?
A: A broom closet.

Q: What do you get if you cross a witches cat with Father Christmas?
A: Santa Claws!

Q: What did the witch do when her broomstick broke?
A: She witch-hiked!

What is a Witch?

A witch is a person who practices witchcraft or magic. Traditionally, the word was used to accuse someone of bewitching someone, or casting a spell on them to gain control over them by magic. It is now also used by some to refer to those who practice various wise crafts such as Hedge witch. Witches usually used spells for personal gain. Find out more about witches here!

Witch Jokes

Find more funny Halloween Jokes here!

Scarecrow Jokes  |  Witch Jokes | Skeleton Jokes | Ghost Jokes

Zombie Jokes | Spider Jokes | Monster Jokes | Halloween Candy Jokes

 

Happy Halloween