Monster Jokes

A monster list of scary and funny monster jokes for Halloween!

Funny Monster Jokes

Q: What is big, yellow and prickly, has three eyes and eats rocks?
A: A big, yellow, prickly three eyed rock eater!

Q: Why did the monster knit herself three socks?
A: Because she grew another foot!

Q: Green Monster: Where do fleas go in winter?
A: Forgetful Werewolf: Search me!

Q: What monster tree prowls the wild forest?
A: Frankenpine!

Q: What monster never loses at games of chance?
A: Draculuck!

Q: Who did Frankenstein take to the prom?
A: His beautiful ghoul friend!

Q: What did the grandfather monster say to his grandson when they hadn’t seen each other for quite awhile?
A: You gruesome!

Q: What do monsters turn on in the summer time?
A: The scare conditioner!

Q: What is a monster’s favorite snack food?
A: Ghoul scout cookies!

Q: How do you keep a monster from biting his nails?
A: Replace his nails with big screws!

Q: What kind of breakfast cereal do monsters eat?
A: Ghost-Toasties!

Q: Why didn’t Dracula go to the barbecue?
A: The hosts were making steaks (stakes)!

Q: What’s woolly and has big long fangs?
A: A Rampire!

Q: What kind of lock does Dracula have on his castle door?
A: A dead bolt lock!

Q: What did the critics all say about Frankenstein’s work of art?
A: What a monsterpiece!

Q: What kind of car does a elephant size monster drive?
A: A monster truck!

Q: What type of monster really loves dance music?
A: The boogieman!

Q: Do monsters eat popcorn with their fingers?
A: NO, they eat the fingers separately!

Q: What’s a monsters favorite bean?
A: A juicy human bean!

Q: Why wasn’t there any food left after the monster Halloween party?
A: Because everyone was a goblin!

Q: What do you do with a very green monster?
A: Wait until it ripens!

Q: Why are monsters covered in lots of wrinkles?
A: Have you ever tried to hot iron a monster!

Q: How do you keep an ugly monster in suspense?
A: I’ll tell you tomorrow!

Q: Why are monsters forgetful?
A: Because everything goes in one ear and out of the three others!

Q: What is the best way to speak to a monster?
A: From a long distance away!

Q: How you can tell if you have had a food monster in your fridge?
A: It leaves footprints in the butter!

Q: How do you greet a three headed monster?
A: Hello, hello, hello!

Q: Why are monsters green?
A: Because they didn’t take their travel sickness pills!

Q: What time is it when a monster sits on your car?
A: Time to buy a new one!

Q: Why are monsters forgetful?
A: Because everything goes in one head but not the other four!

Q: What’s a monster’s favorite theater play?
A: Romeo and Ghouliet!

Q: What position does a monster play on the full moon soccer team?
A: Ghoulie!

Q: What monsters hibernate all winter?
A: The bearwolf!

Q: Who is the brightest monster of all?
A: Frankenshine!

Q: What vampire is always eating junk food?
A: Snackula!

Q: Why did the invisible man go on stage?
A: To perform a vanishing act!

Q: What does Dracula wear on his head when he flies?
A: A batting helmet!

Q: What is red small Halloween monster has a pink spotted head, sixteen hairy legs and four big eyes on finger like things?
A: I don’t know either but there is one crawling up your back!

Q: What is the difference between a giant smelly monster and a sweet Halloween candy?
A: People like Halloween sweets!

Q: Why did the dark monster eat a LED light bulb?
A: Because he was in need of a light snack!

Q: Why did Dracula run out of the Italian restaurant?
A: The chef put garlic on his pizza!

Q: What kind of horses do ghost ride?
A: Night mares!

Q: What game do monsters play with ants?
A: Squash!

Q: Did you hear about the monster who had eight arms?
A: He said they came in handy!

Q: What do you say when you meet a two headed monster?
A: Hello, hello!

Q: What kind of monster has the best hearing?
A: The eeriest!

Q: What kind of hot dogs do monsters like best?
A: Hallowieners!

Q: What kind of clothing do monsters wear?
A: Wash-and-scare clothes!

Q: What do little monsters like to ride on at the amusement park?
A: The scary-go-round!

Q: What did Dr. Frankenstein get when he put his goldfish’s brain in the body of his little dog?
A: I don’t know, but it’s great at chasing submarines.

Q: What is a sea monster’s favorite dish?
A: Giant fish and moving ships!

Q: Why did the the little eyed monster wear glasses?
A: So he didn’t bump into other scarier monsters!

Q: What do you say when you meet a scary two headed monster?
A: Bye, Bye!

Q: What has a two eyes, two arms, two legs and yells on Halloween?
A: I don’t know either but there is one asking for candy at the front door!

Q: Why did the zombie knit herself four socks?
A: Because after she bites you her new family member will need a pair!

Q: What’s the name of the black book of socially prominent V.I.P monsters?
A: The Book of who’s Boo.

Q: Why do big scary monsters wear glasses?
A: So they can find smaller monster to eat!

Q: What do you get if a huge hairy monster steps on Batman and Robin?
A: Flatman and Ribbon!

Q: What kind of vampire does death defying somersaults?
A: An acrobat!

Q: Who is the messiest monster?
A: Slopzilla!

Q: Where does Judge Dracula work?
A: Night court!

Q: What kind of shoes do ghastly ghouls wear?
A: Sneaky sneakers!

Q: What do you call a twelve-year-old monster?
A: A Jr. High Ghoul Student!

Q: How does a pretty lady vampire flirt?
A: She bats her long eyelashes!

Q: Why did the werewolf go to bed early?
A: He was dog-tired!

Q: What little monster chicken is very creepy?
A: The Grim Peeper!

Q: What does a little vampire call his parents?
A: Mommy and Batty!

Q: When does a monster steer start to howl?
A: When a bull moon rises!

Q: What huge scary Japanese monster is a rap singer?
A: Godzilla Ice!

Q: What vampire whines on a lot?
A: Port Dracula!

Q: What did one ghoul say to the other?
A: A friend in need is a friend indeed!

Q: Why did Dr. Frankenstein go to the shopping mall?
A: They were having a monstrous sale!

Q: What is spooky and lives on the deep dark ocean floor?
A: The Frankenstein lobster!

Q: What is scary and hangs from large tree limbs?
A: Frankenvines!

Q: What do monsters like to eat with a sand-witch?
A: Ghoulslaw!

Q: Why did the vampires go into the cave?
A: To hang out!

Q: How many parents does a werewolf have?
A: One maw and four paws!

Q: What did the mummy detective say?
A: It is time to wrap up this mystery!

Q: Why did Frankenstein go to the doctor?
A: He felt a little stiff all over!

Q: What did the doctor say to his monster friend?
A: Just be frank around me!

Q: Why was the zombie happy to be in court?
A: He was hoping the judge would give him a new life sentence!

Q: Why is Frankenstein always laughing?
A: His doctor keeps him in stitches!

Q: What kind of street do monsters like to live on?
A: A dead end!

Q: What did Frankenstein say to his bride?
A: I have been dying to meet you!

Q: Why did the mummy get all sticky?
A: He was wearing gum wrappers!

Q: What do you get when Frankenstein pilots a fast plane?
A: A terror-flying experience!

Q: What do you call money given to a Frankenstein in exchange for a favor?
A: A monster bribe!

Q: What’s creepy and leads to the second floor of a haunted house?
A: Monstairs!

Q: Why didn’t the kids let Dracula play in their baseball game?
A: He kept batting out of turn!

Q: How did the zombie buy his silver?
A: In monster boxes!

Q: When is the best time to see a monster?
A: When you look in the mirror!

Q: What kind of monster eats candy?
A: A candy monster!

Q: What kind of monster drinks green slime?
A green slime monster!

Q: When do monsters like to party?
A: On Halloween night!

Q: Why was the monster feeling sick?
A: It ate some vegetables!

Q: What kind of juice does a monster like to drink?
A: Brain juice!

Q: Where do monster like to go hiking?
A: Death valley!

Q: Where do monsters go swimming?
A: In the dead sea!

Q: How do monsters like their eggs?
A: Terror fried.

Q: What is a monster’s favorite soda pop drink?
A: Demonade.

Q: What do they have for lunch at Monster School?
A: Human beans, boiled brains, pickled kids and eyes-cream.

Q: Why did the green monster cross the road?
A: To get to the graveyard!

Q: What scary spooky monster can fly?
A: One with wings!

Q: What kind of monster has two heads?
A: A two headed monster!

Q: How many monsters does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one light bulb changing monster!

Q: What did the mother say to the naughty boy?
A: Your are a little monster!

Q: When did the monster eat breakfast?
A: Just after it caught a cheetah!

Q: How do you get a pocket monster on to the bus?
A: POKE-hiM-ON!

Q: What is a monster classic dance song?
A: The Monster mash!

Q: Why was the monster happy?
A: It was always smiling!

Q: Why does the monster like jokes?
A: Because being evil is hard work!

Q: Why does the monster like to eat ice cream?
A: Because when he eats you. You just scream!

List Of Halloween Monsters

A monster is a “a terrifying and dangerous, wild or fictional creature”

Find a great list of Halloween monsters here.

Find more funny Halloween Jokes here!

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