Anti Halloween Jokes

Anti Halloween Jokes and Anti Humor About Halloween Themes

Anti Halloween jokes are great to drop on your friends this Halloween. Bring back dry bad jokes to Halloween!

Q: Have you ever hear a Funny Halloween joke?
A: Yes!

Q: When is the best time to tell a Halloween Joke?
A: On Halloween!

Q: What is white and wears clothes?
A: A skeleton, I lied about the clothes!

Q: What did the kid say before getting some Halloween candy?
A: “Trick or Treat”

Q: Why are Halloween puns called “Halloween puns”?
A: Because they are puns about Halloween!

Q: Why did the zombie fall off the swing?
A: It had no arms!

Q: Why didn’t the zombie have any friends?
A: Because they are antisocial creatures by nature!

Q: What’s worse than not having a good Halloween trick?
A: Eating candy corn!

Q: What is white and floats like a ghost?
A: A white ghost!

Q: What do ghosts fear most?
A: Ghostbusters 3!

Q: Why did the vampire disappear?
A: He stood in the sun light!

Q: What do you call a zombie with a large bullet hole in his chest?
A: Lucky the zombie!

Q: Why do you call a zombie with only one arm?
A: A zombie!

Q: Why is there no Aspirin in the cemetery?
A: Because it wouldn’t be financially viable to try and sell pharmaceuticals in the unpopulated cemetery!

Q: Why did the man buy a Halloween pumpkin?
A: So he can turn it into a Jack-o-lantern!

Q: What has two legs, and is red all over?
A: Half a werewolf!

Q: What does a skeleton and a vampire have in common?
A: They both can fly. Apart from the skeleton!

Q: What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?
A: Finding one in your Halloween candy!

Q: What is red and smells like blue moon?
A: A red moon!

Q: What did the homeless man get for Halloween?
A: Nothing!

Q: Why was the boy sad about his Halloween costume?
A: Because his dad just stapled a frog to his face!

Q: What’s looks like a ghost and sounds like a ghost?
A: A ghost!

Q: What did the little monster with anger management issues throw?
A: A tantrum!

Q: What leaves a bigger memory than a passionate kiss?
A: A stab wound!

Q: What leaves a bigger memory than a passionate kiss?
A: A Zombie bite!

Q: What did the kid do before putting on his Halloween costume?
A: Take off their clothes!

Q: What happened to the zombie that got shot in the head?
A: It died!

Q: What’s worse than a Halloween joke?
A: Listening to one a day after Halloween!

Q: What are vampires, zombies, skeletons and ghosts?
A: The living dead!

Q: Free Candy?
A: I Hate It!

Q: Halloween Candy?
A: Yes, please!

Q: How do you stop a baby monster from crying?
A: Smother it!

Q: How do you kill something thats already dead?
A: You don’t. It’s dead!

Q: Do you know what’s funnier than 24 Halloween Jokes?
A: 25 Halloween Jokes!

Q: When do you go to heaven?
A: Never!

Q: How do you stop a zombie from chasing you?
A: Kill it!

Q: How do you get away from a walking zombie?
A: Run!

Q: How many litres of blood does a vampire need to drink?
A: How many have you got?

Q: On Halloween what’s worse than wearing a cool looking zombie costume?
A: Wearing a sh#t one!

Q: What do you call a dead black cat?
A: A dead cat!

Q: Why did the boy carve a face into a pumpkin?
A: It was Halloween!

Q: If I give you five Halloween candy now?
A: You will have five more than you did when you left home!

Q: Why do you call a zombie with only one arm?
A: Combat experienced!

Q: What does a witch and a vampire have in common?
A: Neither of them are getting Halloween candy this Halloween!

Q: What did the cab driver say to the vampire when he got into his cab?
A: Where to, sir?

Q: Why was six afraid of seven?
A: It wasn’t. Numbers are not sentient and thus incapable of feeling fear!

Q: What do you call a zombie with no arms and no legs water skiing?
A: I don’t know, but that sounds like a highly improbable circumstance!

Q: Why did the boy drop his Halloween treat bag?
A: Because he was hit by a bus!

Q: Do you know what is funnier that a 100 Halloween Jokes?
A: A 101 Halloween Jokes!

Q: What is stupid?
A: I would say you but these Halloween jokes are worse!

More Anti Halloween Jokes

☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠

A vampire, a witch, and a boogeyman all walk in to a magic shop, at different times in the day to buy different magic tricks for Halloween.

☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠

An owl and a squirrel are sitting in a tree, watching a farmer go by. The owl turns to the squirrel and says nothing, because owls can’t talk.

The owl then eats the squirrel because it’s a bird of prey.

☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠

HalloweenJokes.com is the best place for Halloween Jokes!

☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠

Zombies are a lot like trees, they fall down when hit multiple times with an axe!

☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠

A vampire walks into a blood bank. It gets some blood to drink!

☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠

A ghost of a horse walks into a bar, the bartender says “Why the long face?”

The horse says “I had cancer.”

☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠

Ben is an average man. He has a good life, he is married and has 2 kids. So why did he put his family down?

They turned to zombies!

☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠

“Trick or treat”

“Sorry kid, this is McDonald’s”

“Ok, Mc Halloween candy to go, please.”

☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠

A skeleton goes to the doctors to get his heart checked out!

☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠ ☠

A skeleton wanted to beef up but had no meat on the bone to work with!

Find more funny Halloween Jokes here!

Scarecrow Jokes  |  Witch Jokes | Skeleton Jokes | Ghost Jokes

Zombie Jokes | Spider Jokes | Monster Jokes | Halloween Candy Jokes